i still cant accept it..

its really a thunderstorm in my mind when i got fact that it was confirmed and W had surrendered willingly to F. I known W for sometime, and the way i know it, W will not give it out unless W willing to. I call up, and W confirmed it,and here comes the storm...

during my long journey home i try to meditate and it doesn't work, my mind will automatic thought of W and the fact that F will eventually win this war. There is time I had a low esteem period, F got everything that i dun have. More personal time,bigger income,no family strings that hold F back and F's physicals. this sounds totally not like me.. i normally won't care about those but not this time..i never faced a competition like this before because i never had one before..

well, i do review myself that do i really afford to lose it one day or as i proposed to W that we are great pal? my mind pops up lot of uncertainty, i really need a companion.A companion that my family will give their blessing..i had live a long single life, and after half a year back to square one.

i really do not hope the prophecy of a fortune teller become true, that i will big had time to get my soul mate or won't get one. And leads to my single old age and commit suicide one day because i have not achieved anything.

on the other hand, i know i should do this which i had foreseen this , it just too many potential competition and great opportunity for one to be seduced and attracted by others.

argh!!!! i dun wish to say i had lose my time for this, and i do hope for the best.

need to pack up myself and move on.

to be cont.